Saturday, January 31, 2009

Dear Maud,

Caled, Cospak and Plasdene – what is it about food containers that inspires such tinny names?

In the absence of an answer, Maud, I offer an apology. For, of late, too serious have I been.

Robertson Davies would object. Somewhere he has written (in a book, Maud, for he is no graffiti artist) that seriousness is, in fact, laudable; it is solemnity that is not. Upon reflection, I agree: the former has a sincerity that the latter licks – lacks, I mean.

Elsewhere I turn.

Here, Maud, are words you must not read: double-fisted, backstop, sweet, ply their trade, long, enjoyed watching, single-handed, situations and angled stance.

Why not, you ask? Because, I am told, they constitute questionable content.

These terms came to me in an email from a friend – though only after a po-faced filter, having taken umbrage to its pith and peel, ‘quarantined’ the thing.

Did it contain Sex/Acts, Sex/Attire, Sex/Nudity and Sex/Personals as alleged? No, just random thoughts on tandem sports – tennis and cricket, to be precise.

Save us, O Mighty One, from ourselves!

Yours etc.

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